DISCLAIMER: These jokes are in NO WAY inspired on Hugh McDonald, any similarities between Mr. McDonald and the bass players in these jokes are a coincidence. These jokes were clearly inspired on other bass players (ok, maybe one or two weren't -lol).

***Shortly before a band began to play, they discovered their bass player was missing. After a short search, the guitar player found him in the back alley beating the heck out of some guy . .
Guitar Player: Sam, what are you doing?
Bass Player: This guy de-tuned one of my strings!
Guitar Player: Why are you beating him up?
Bass Player: He won't tell me which one. ***

***Three men die in a plane crash and are waiting to enter heaven. St. Peter asks the first man, "What did you do on Earth?"
Man #1: I was a doctor.
St. P.: Go right through those pearly gates.
St. P.: And what did you do on Earth?
Man #2: I was a school teacher.
St. P.: Go right through those pearly gates.
St. P.: And what did you do on Earth?
Man #3: I was a bass player.
St. P.: Go around the side, up the freight elevator, through the kitchen . ***

***Q. How do you get a bass player off your doorstep?
A. Pay for the pizza. ***

***Q. Why don't bass players play hide and seek?
A. Because no one will look for them. ***

***Q. How do you know when a bass player is at the door trying to get in?
A. He keeps fumbling around trying to find the right key. ***

***Q. Why don't bass players ever catch a cold?
A. Even a virus has some pride. ***

***Q. How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Never mind. The keyboard player can do it with his left hand.***

***Q. How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Six: One to change it, five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light. ***

***Q. How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Just one, but he'll do it too loudly. ***

***Q. How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three! One to hold the bulb and two to drink 'till the room spins.***

***Q. How many good bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Only one. But good luck trying to find him.***

***Q. Why is there so little solo repertoire for the string bass?
A. Misery loves company.***

***Q. How can you tell if there was a bass player at last week's session?
A. He's still there!***

***Q. What do you call a bass player with a beeper?
A. An optimist.***

***Q. What does a bass player say when he gets to his gig?
A. "Would you like fries with that?"***

***Q. How do you keep a bass player in suspense?
A. ...................................***

***Q. What's the definition of a gentleman?
A. Someone who knows how to play the bass and doesn't.***

***Did you hear about the electric bass player who was so bad that even the lead singer noticed? ***

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